im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
