called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
