You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
