So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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