hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
