So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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