Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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