A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize