you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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