I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
