Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
