thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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