you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
