I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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