I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
