I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
