pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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