I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
