Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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