Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
