Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
