So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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