lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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