bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
