grandma shit on top of the toilet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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