my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize