I'm drive I can fine osifer
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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