Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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