So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
