Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
