you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think a kid would responsible me up
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
