There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize