Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
