I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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