Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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