I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
