after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
