I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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