I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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