I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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