he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
