I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
