She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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