We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
