is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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