I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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