So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
