My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Couch. On fire.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize