just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
