just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
