Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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