Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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