My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
