i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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