i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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