ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think my moral compass just broke
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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