i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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