I must be too annoying 4 u.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
