i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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