if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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