Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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